deadly_ned | 041 - Macintosh Apple

[And another abrupt shift. The dangerous kind. And incidentally, the kind that brings him a step closer to the wreck of a man they're talking about.]

He hurt you?

No, I'm not hurt. Neither is Digby. We just...didn't get along.

You don't want to get along with him, Ned. Not...

If he's - I'm - an inmate, you don't want anywhere near me. Him.

But he's you. And I'm your friend and..

I need to be around him. Even if it hurts. I need to make sure he'll be all right.

He's not me. I'm me. My deal was so I would never become him.

I'm not gonna try to tell you to give up because that's not what you do, but christ. You're my friend, and I'm not there.

Well, he's..paired now. I wanted to stick it out, make sure I wasn't paired with him, but I'm not.

And I think maybe it's time to just...accept the things I can't change.

Yeah. I heard that. I... [He sighs. Oh, Ned.

But that's a stranger concept, too, to consider. He's not sure he likes it phrased that way, but what it might mean?]

Ned?

Yes?

It's not failing. To go home when you've done all you can.

It's not.

It feels like it. Like I'll be judged as soon as I leave.

I know.

You trust me?

Of course. With everything.

[Once upon a time that would have made him falter; now, he banks on it.]

Then trust me one more time: it's not failing.

That might not be how everyone sees it.

Of course it won't be. But you didn't let everyone tell you it was hopeless before, did you?

That was before. Things that are before aren't quite the same as the after. Or the now.

You keep talking, and all I hear is "blah blah blah I'm afraid to go home."

Of course things are different. You're different. That doesn't change that you went there for a reason, and that reason was to make things better at home. Hopefully for someone else, too, but at home.

What if I go home and it turns out to be all wrong? And what I wished for wasn't what I'd meant in the first place?

Yeeeeeeeeah.

You've been home, Squeaker. I get that you're afraid of that, but you know it's an excuse.

It's okay. [This last is much, much gentler than almost anyone else knows Dean can even be. He meant it when he said he gets that it's a legitimate fear; he'd had it himself. But it is also an excuse, and it will also be overcome the moment he and Chuck touch.]

[His shoulders seem to slump a little at that, from both exhaustion and relief. He's scared, but also excited, in a heart-pounding way]

That's all I'm hoping for.

...All right.

All right, I think I'm ready.

[Dean smiles at that; smiles, one of the rare expressions that goes with the tone from before, fond and closer to soft than he normally is, warm to its core.

And then it smooths into one of his much more characteristic smirks.]

'Course you are. And if you don't swing by and say hi on your way back, I'm gonna find you and kick your ass. You hear?

I have a clicker and I'm not afraid to use it. [Behold: what looks like a car door remote key fob and what is actually the control Iris gave him to hijack a teleporter on board a very specific starship any time he wants to visit Felix or vice versa. This is a threat.]

I don't know what that is, but presumably I'm meant to be scared of it and thus, am.

[The Piemaker gives a warm smile back, comforted in the knowledge that he has friends - a best friend - who likes him despite being a universe apart]

I'll say hi.

Good. We'll keep a seat warm.

[Love, Dean would never say. Who loves him. He shows it however else he can, including kicking him off an interstellar space prison when it's time for him to go.

Dean took the plunge first. He's happier than he ever remembers being. It can work.]

Got other people to bless with my attention, Squeaker. Don't dawdle. I'm getting prettier, but you ain't.

[Love was still a concept the Piemaker struggled with as well. But as he looked back at Dean Winchester - best friend, car enthusiast, pie-lover - the Piemaker couldn't help but feel a twinge from the heart he had long thought buried and hidden.]

I know.

Go on. I'll catch up.

041 - Macintosh Apple

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[Private] This tag is so old I took the account off LJ Juggler.

[Private] Yeah well whose fault is th- mine, it's my fault, I'm so sorry

[Private] I knew it.

[Private] Did you though

[Private] yes.