021 - Dried Winter Apple
Oct. 13th, 2013 11:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deadly_ned[Something's happened to the Piemaker in the days since he was held hostage by the inmate calling himself Hannibal Lector. He's shut down, closing out everything that could possibly remind him of the nightmare it was spending quality time with the man.
Effectively, this means not going back to his own room.
Instead, he sits on the floor of Alpha's room, having retreated there to make his post. He doesn't want to do it in the infirmary; he wants to be alone. And with his dog Digby cuddling up to both Alpha and new inmate Ellie, he's got his wish]
I'd like to share a secret.
It's something that a few people on this ship already know through either me telling them or the Barge circumnavigating my wishes to keep the secret a secret and whispering it into the ears of people I would rather not have known.
And. And until last week I didn't think it mattered that people didn't know because I didn't conceive of a way it could be used against anyone. It's redundant.
There's a reason I hate magic, and there's a reason I hate Halloween, and there's a reason why I don't go around hugging people all willy-nilly, and why my dog is neurotic and why my pies taste so good.
I can touch dead things and bring them back to life.
And...Dr. Lector found this out. And he kept the secret.
But he also kept me, in my room, while he used my magic to bring dead things he took out of people back to life.
And if I had told more people what I could do, or if I wasn't...here on the Barge to begin with, it probably wouldn't have happened like it did.
I don't care about who knows anymore. There's nothing worse you can do to me and nothing worse I can do to other people than what happened.
I'll answer questions about it. If there are any.
Alpha, I'm sorry.
[Private to Friends]
I would...really appreciate it if someone could go pick up some things from my room. I can't go in there right now.
Effectively, this means not going back to his own room.
Instead, he sits on the floor of Alpha's room, having retreated there to make his post. He doesn't want to do it in the infirmary; he wants to be alone. And with his dog Digby cuddling up to both Alpha and new inmate Ellie, he's got his wish]
I'd like to share a secret.
It's something that a few people on this ship already know through either me telling them or the Barge circumnavigating my wishes to keep the secret a secret and whispering it into the ears of people I would rather not have known.
And. And until last week I didn't think it mattered that people didn't know because I didn't conceive of a way it could be used against anyone. It's redundant.
There's a reason I hate magic, and there's a reason I hate Halloween, and there's a reason why I don't go around hugging people all willy-nilly, and why my dog is neurotic and why my pies taste so good.
I can touch dead things and bring them back to life.
And...Dr. Lector found this out. And he kept the secret.
But he also kept me, in my room, while he used my magic to bring dead things he took out of people back to life.
And if I had told more people what I could do, or if I wasn't...here on the Barge to begin with, it probably wouldn't have happened like it did.
I don't care about who knows anymore. There's nothing worse you can do to me and nothing worse I can do to other people than what happened.
I'll answer questions about it. If there are any.
Alpha, I'm sorry.
[Private to Friends]
I would...really appreciate it if someone could go pick up some things from my room. I can't go in there right now.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 03:54 am (UTC)[So she compromises: leaves off her voice, her face, and writes, to the best of her ability, as if she's someone else.]
Ned,
There are some secrets that people keep for other people to make them obedient. That's also known as blackmail. Great men and women are blackmailed all the time because they think that their secrets are too shameful and terrible to be seen by other people. That they'll be condemned for their flaws or their powers or their crimes.
I can't make anything better but I can tell you you're not alone.
- A.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 03:59 am (UTC)And Abigail is hurting. So even though he's hurting now, he pushes his hurt aside to focus on her hurt]
I wasn't ashamed of my secret. I was scared of it being abused.
Which it was. So there's no point in keeping it.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 04:14 am (UTC)I think it could be a beautiful thing. What you can do. Just not in his hands. He turns everything wrong.
I shouldn't have left you. I know that. Ben is my warden. If you want him to do something for punishment you can ask him. He's very fair and I trust him to do what's right.
Re: private
Date: 2013-10-14 04:24 am (UTC)But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a thrill every time someone who was dead came back.
I don't want to punish you. It wasn't fair for me to ask you to risk angering him. He would have killed you if you'd run.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 04:31 am (UTC)He'd only have killed me if I told. He can make me not tell because I know what he's capable of. I don't really want to say sorry because it feels so fake. Sorry doesn't do any good. But I could have done more. I could have made sure you knew that you were still a good person even in the middle of all that. I regret that I didn't.
[Even though it wasn't wholly a choice.]
private
Date: 2013-10-14 04:35 am (UTC)I'm not a good person. I shouldn't have made you choose between him and me. You did what you needed to do to survive. That's all anyone can do when faced with someone like him.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 04:42 am (UTC)You did what you needed to do to survive, too. We did the same thing. Does that mean neither of us are good people?
private
Date: 2013-10-14 04:46 am (UTC)I don't know. I don't know enough to judge.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 04:50 am (UTC)I think I'd like to be a neutral person for now. If that's all right.
Is he talking to you?
private
Date: 2013-10-14 04:53 am (UTC)It's all right.
He is. Or was. He hasn't replied since I wrote him back.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 04:58 am (UTC)You don't have to talk to him. Every second you give to him is wasted.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 04:59 am (UTC)private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:00 am (UTC)private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:01 am (UTC)private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:04 am (UTC)Is Digby all right?
private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:05 am (UTC)But I make him stay with Alpha. Alpha needs him now.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:09 am (UTC)What do you need? You don't seem interested in revenge.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:11 am (UTC)I'm not interested in revenge. Revenge wouldn't do anything.
I'm interested in ways of helping my inmate recover.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:34 am (UTC)I had a good doctor. Not him. Back home. She helped. But someone like that might be more helpful to you than to Alpha. I don't like to talk to doctors anymore.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:36 am (UTC)private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:43 am (UTC)Would you like me to go away now? I will if you want me to. I can stay away from you altogether if you want, until Alpha graduates and you go home.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:46 am (UTC)Besides. I don't know when Alpha's going to graduate. It could take months. Years.
private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:49 am (UTC)private
Date: 2013-10-14 05:50 am (UTC)private
Date: 2013-10-14 06:01 am (UTC)Do you have nightmares?
private
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