021 - Dried Winter Apple

[deadly_ned]

[Something's happened to the Piemaker in the days since he was held hostage by the inmate calling himself Hannibal Lector. He's shut down, closing out everything that could possibly remind him of the nightmare it was spending quality time with the man.

Effectively, this means not going back to his own room.

Instead, he sits on the floor of Alpha's room, having retreated there to make his post. He doesn't want to do it in the infirmary; he wants to be alone. And with his dog Digby cuddling up to both Alpha and new inmate Ellie, he's got his wish]

I'd like to share a secret.

It's something that a few people on this ship already know through either me telling them or the Barge circumnavigating my wishes to keep the secret a secret and whispering it into the ears of people I would rather not have known.

And. And until last week I didn't think it mattered that people didn't know because I didn't conceive of a way it could be used against anyone. It's redundant.

There's a reason I hate magic, and there's a reason I hate Halloween, and there's a reason why I don't go around hugging people all willy-nilly, and why my dog is neurotic and why my pies taste so good.

I can touch dead things and bring them back to life.

And...Dr. Lector found this out. And he kept the secret.

But he also kept me, in my room, while he used my magic to bring dead things he took out of people back to life.

And if I had told more people what I could do, or if I wasn't...here on the Barge to begin with, it probably wouldn't have happened like it did.

I don't care about who knows anymore. There's nothing worse you can do to me and nothing worse I can do to other people than what happened.

I'll answer questions about it. If there are any.

Alpha, I'm sorry.

[Private to Friends]

I would...really appreciate it if someone could go pick up some things from my room. I can't go in there right now.

Comments

Private;

[anewlanguage]

I'll do it.

Tell you what...come crash at my place a while. Pretty sure I can find us slumber party games if you get bored.

[Trying to be lighthearted, yes, because he hasn't had much opinion on Hannibal until now.]

Private;

[deadly_ned]

That would probably be a good idea. I don't think Alpha would want me staying in his room for much longer.

Does it have to be games?

[itstopped]

Honestly, that explains a lot. [And how frakked up is his life now that he can say that as calmly as he does?]

Are you planning on leaving?

[deadly_ned]

I know. I know it does.

Are you planning on kicking me out?

private

[breathoflight]

Ned... I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry for what's happened to you.

[The trauma is bad enough. But to have a secret - your secret - be what was used to cause that much pain and suffering...]

It wasn't your fault though, you must understand that.

private

[deadly_ned]

I wasn't the arm wielding the weapon but I was the weapon that made it happen. Dr. Lector couldn't have done what he did without me.

He said I was essential.

Private;

[silvestris]

...How did you find out you have that talent? [She imagines it was awful.]

Private;

[deadly_ned]

Digby was hit by a truck when I was ten.

private

[versusnurture]

[She almost doesn't say anything. She's sure that Ned doesn't want to hear from her. She's got to be a reminder.]

[So she compromises: leaves off her voice, her face, and writes, to the best of her ability, as if she's someone else.]

Ned,

There are some secrets that people keep for other people to make them obedient. That's also known as blackmail. Great men and women are blackmailed all the time because they think that their secrets are too shameful and terrible to be seen by other people. That they'll be condemned for their flaws or their powers or their crimes.

I can't make anything better but I can tell you you're not alone.

- A.

private

[deadly_ned]

[He knows who it is immediately, but he doesn't stray from answering. It's in the Piemaker's nature to take care of the hurt. It's why he's in the business of comfort food.

And Abigail is hurting. So even though he's hurting now, he pushes his hurt aside to focus on her hurt]

I wasn't ashamed of my secret. I was scared of it being abused.

Which it was. So there's no point in keeping it.

[not here.... yet]

[composited]

[ There is no reply from Alpha; Sunday night he still has no senses, though by Monday morning he can hear again. He doesn't have eyes that work until Tuesday, and they don't work well until Wednesday. ]

[ He escapes from the infirmary then, but he does not go to his room. He goes to an empty room that is dark and quiet and away from everyone and sleeps there, hiding. ]

[ He still shows up on the Piemaker's item, still lives, still breathes. But he's fragmented. He will be for quite some time. Hannibal took things from him-- some fleshy and graspable, some more ephemeral and unknowable. But he has realized he has a true friend in Mal, and that? That means something. ]

[ Friday, though: ]


So I guess you're Vegan then, huh?

[Friday]

[deadly_ned]

[The Piemaker doesn't try to hunt Alpha down. He's alive, and the person who killed him is locked up; he understands more than most the need to push away and regroup and withdraw from the world until you're ready to face it again]

All my life.

[Private]

[youwill]

I would have continued to keep your secret.

[Private]

[deadly_ned]

Don't...talk to me as if what happened didn't happen.

The whole point of keeping it a secret was so that people couldn't do what you did.

My inmate is in the infirmary without sight or hearing. I can't go into my kitchen because of you. My dog keeps trying to break into Zero to see you.

What else do I have that you can ruin?

[private]

[halftheman]

[ Harvey doesn't much care for magic, either, though he has found the powered population quite useful (though he American teleporter population has... suffered slightly, due to some of his earlier ambitions). ]

[ He mulls this over; he thinks of his and Abigail's long and fruitful talks. He thinks of victim advocacy and how that's someone else's fucking job, not his. Two-Face is still sulking that they didn't catch him; no catch means no murder. But he'll get himself something better, soon... someone more important. ]

[ In the end he sends a very simple message: ]


Justice will be served.

Put the rest out of your mind, if you can.

[private]

[deadly_ned]

Putting it out of my mind would require replacing my mind altogether with someone else's.

I remember everything that happens when things go wrong with my gift.

[private]

[megamind]

Do--

Do you need anything? I mean, the pub's closed up and my cabin's crowded with three people and a dog now, and you might not like all the people but-- [ Ned made him graduation pie. He was like Minion; sweet, friendly in his odd way, and completely inoffensive. ]

[ Hurting him, like this, seems-- even more grotesque than eating people. ]

What can I do to help?

[private]

[deadly_ned]

No. I. Thank you. I'm going over to David Cain's to stay for a little while. Give my inmate back his room. He can hold onto Digby a while longer, it seems to make him feel better.

There's nothing, really. Everything's...wrapping up.

private

[advocacy]

[This inspires a lot of feelings in Daneca. On the one hand, she wants to come clean about her own secret - that she's an emotion worker. It's obviously important to be honest with the people around here and she's terrified of the consequences of not telling anyone and letting someone have that power over her.]

[On the other hand, she's terrified of how people will take it if she says anything. Ned's ability is close to death work, but it seems like he can manage it and people aren't going to be paranoid about him. Just careful.]

[Finally she sends him a private text.]

Who did you tell before?

private

[deadly_ned]

[This is unexpected. He doesn't quite know the person who's doing the asking, or why they would ask such a bizarre, unusual question]

Riddick. Just Riddick.

There were a half-dozen other people who found out through floods or when the first people couldn't keep the secret.

[Private]

[la_belle_rogue]

[There isn't a whole lot she can do for Ned. But maybe she could make him see he wasn't alone. She actually understood a lot of what his power must be like.]

When Ah was real young, Ah kissed a boy, Cody. Mah first kiss. It triggered mah powers. Ah drained away his energy, memories, psyche, skills, everythin' that made him a whole, unique bein'. It left him in a coma for the rest of his life. After that day, Ah couldn't ever touch another livin' person. Even just a brush of mah skin on theirs caused it ta happen. Ah couldn't so much as hold hands with anyone, or Ah'd risk stealin' away their lives.

Mah whole life until Ah was eighteen, Ah was manipulated and pushed into doin' things with mah powers that Ah regret. People, who said they loved me, nearly drove me insane, by havin' me use mah powers on people recklessly. Ah'll always carry that with me. But Ah chose ta do somethin' different, ta take control of mah life.

Don't beat yerself up because someone used ya, Ned. No matter what ya might feel right now, that guilt is misplaced. You're a victim, not a villain.

[Private]

[deadly_ned]

That's..horrible.

That's horrible.

Rogue, I'm. Sorry. That's..

I don't really...have much of a right to complain. My powers aren't so bad.

Private

[darknessb4me]

It can always be worse.

Is the door unlocked?

Private

[deadly_ned]

It's too late now. Everyone's been told.

It should be. David Cain's gone to get my clothes.

[surfaceshine]

And he's a shitbag and a douchelord and that's his fault.

[Dean looks like he wants to say more, he's certainly angry enough on Ned's behalf, but there's some smidgen of a filter banging around somewhere behind Dean's eyes, apparently. He switches to private which lets some of the heat intensify in his voice and eyes, but also focuses him.]

Anyone giving you any grief? What'd you need?

[Private]

[deadly_ned]

No one's giving me grief.

[This is a lie, and the Piemaker's eye twitches accordingly. But he continues]

Cain's going to let me stay with him for a little while. He threw out everything in my kitchen like I asked.

[private/Ned]

[routemistress]

[Iris has been helping clear Ned's room. Somewhere in the back of her mind is a faint triumph: so that's it, that's the secret I didn't worm out of Chuck, that's the story. She can't not feel faintly satisfied at a need-to-know quenched; but it's so far under the rage and horror at the cruelty perpetrated on her gentle friend that nothing shows.]

Right. First off, I will 'ave a Lassiebot for you by this time tomorrow, and you're to use it, d'you 'ear me, Ned? I designed these bloody things for exactly this and you didn't bloody 'ave one. And I knew. I knew summat were wrong and I let you talk me out of coming. I could kick meself.

I'm not swearing revenge. The barge'll take care of that for me. When I say that man'll be sorry, I don't mean because I'm going to shred 'im down to 'is component molecules, or dump everything you're feeling right now in 'is mind to suffer instead of you. 'Cause there's no point and we both know it. But 'e will be sorry. I wish that were any 'elp right now.

[She huffs out an audible breath, tired and discontented.]

Don't you call Digby neurotic. Digby loves you no matter what and so do we. Arsehole.

[private/Ned]

[deadly_ned]

Digby is neurotic. Digby is a needy dog who isn't hugged as much as he should be because I'm not there to hug him.

What's a Lassiebot?

private;

[soliterraneous]

Things are not getting easier for you.

That is unfortunate.

private;

[deadly_ned]

Things were never easy. Now they're only piling up together.

[private]

[beingdifferent]

[This is private because, although the work Hannibal had done continues to fascinate Esther on a deep and morbid level, the good doctor's victim was Ned. Ned was, in her eyes, the only victim who mattered an iota, because she'd found herself actually enjoying him.

Liking him, even when she had no plans to use him. His mistreatment brings up a deep sense of sadness, quickly followed by anger rising up like a bushfire.]

Mr. Ned, I'm so sorry. I hope you're all right.

I hope plenty of bad things happen to that man for what he did.

[private]

[deadly_ned]

I'm all right.

[He's not, not especially. But he can pretend for Esther; it's not within the Piemaker's nature to dump his problems on the shoulders of little girls]

The worst thing that can happen to a person already happened to him. He has to live with what he did for the rest of his life.

He might not think that's such a terrible thing now, but he will. In time.