040 - Boysenberry

[deadly_ned]

[Locked to Esther Coleman]


Hi, Esther.

The, um.

The Admiral paired us up for July. I don't know if you saw.

Are you busy?

Comments

[beingdifferent]

I did see that, yes.

And I'm not. [She pauses.] Is it traditional for Americans to make apple pie in July?

[deadly_ned]

It is, actually. But the pie I made on Friday was for a birthday.

I suck and that's sad

[beingdifferent]

I thought the birthday treats were usually cakes.

you do not, shh

[deadly_ned]

Usually.

But I'm not much for cakes. I'm not a Cake-Maker.

[beingdifferent]

How about tarts? Do you know how to make those?

[deadly_ned]

I do.

Do you want me to make tarts?

[beingdifferent]

I want to learn to make tarts.

[deadly_ned]

It's not difficult. We can learn together.

Do you have any problem with working in my room? There's a kitchen there and it's smaller and takes up less space than the actual kitchen on the ship.

[beingdifferent]

Not at all. The smaller the kitchen, the easier it is to use.

Besides, I don't think I've ever seen where you live.

[deadly_ned]

Really?

I'm sorry. I should have invited you over sooner.

[beingdifferent]

Why are you sorry?

[deadly_ned]

Because I was impolite. Or at least inconsiderate.

[beingdifferent]

That isn't the way I saw it.

[deadly_ned]

I know. People say I apologize too much.

I'm trying to work on that.

[beingdifferent]

You don't have to apologize to me. You're already better to me than anyone else.

[OOC: Speaking of apologizing, sorry about the comment fiasco... I could not figure out wtf was going on]

[deadly_ned]

I just try to..treat you like I would treat anyone. Or everyone.

[ooc: No worries!]

[beingdifferent]

Not many people do that.

[A long pause, and then she volunteers some real honesty born of relief.] I'm glad the Admiral picked you.

[deadly_ned]

I'm glad the Admiral picked me, too.

I want you to be able to feel...safe. At least with someone.

[beingdifferent]

You and Digby help with that.

[deadly_ned]

That's what we're here for. Generally.

Is there anything I can do now? Besides the aforementioned tart-making.

[beingdifferent]

[A pause.]

Maybe, sometime, we can talk.

[deadly_ned]

We can talk whenever you want. I don't need to be your temporary warden for that.

[beingdifferent]

No, but... but it's a bit different, isn't it?

[deadly_ned]

How do you mean?

[beingdifferent]

You'll be careful not to tell anyone else what I say, won't you? More careful.

[deadly_ned]

I've always been very good at keeping secrets.

[beingdifferent]

Then may I come see you?

[deadly_ned]

Of course.

srsly why can I not work out consecutive comments here?

[beingdifferent]

[A little while later Esther knocks politely at his cabin door, looking like she always does and entirely unarmed.]

i dunno!

[deadly_ned]

[At the knock, the Piemaker stands up, followed soon after by Digby. He opens the door, pulling it wider when he sees who it is.]

Esther. Hi.

[beingdifferent]

Hello. [She offers Ned a small hand to shake and smiles down at Digby.]

[deadly_ned]

[He reaches down to formally shake Esther's hand, doing his best not to make it awkward. Digby remains close by]

Please come in.


[He pushes the door the rest of the way so she can enter, and leaves her to work his kitchen]

Can I get you something? Coffee, tea?

[beingdifferent]

[She smiles up at him when he tries to be casual. Thank you.

[Esther steps in, glancing around with an approving look before reaching the kitchen. Her smile briefly grows at the offer. No one in recent memory has invited her to drink coffee.]

If you'll join me, coffee would be nice.

[deadly_ned]

[He smiles back, happy to have landed on something good]

I'll start it now.

[He turns aside to his counter, filling the pot with water. Digby crawls under the kitchen table, sensing snack time and readying himself for prime crumb-snatching position]

Take a seat; anywhere you want.

At home I usually have an espresso machine - for the restaurant - but it breaks down almost constantly.

[beingdifferent]

Thank you.

[She follows Digby to the table, laughing a little when he crawls under in search of scraps and taking a seat.]

That's a shame. I've heard espresso is very bold.

[deadly_ned]

It keeps me up at night.

[Noise fills the kitchen as the Piemaker grinds the beans, emptying them into the machine when he's finished. He turns around, leaning against the kitchen counter with his hands in his pockets]

So did you want to...talk now, or wait until the coffee?

[beingdifferent]

[Esther hesitates, gently nudging Digby with her toe. To begin talking is more difficult than the decision to talk.]



Were you ever afraid of me?

[deadly_ned]

[Digby, under the table, flicks his ears up but doesn't move. He's pretty damn patient.

The Piemaker seems to hesitate, considering the question in thought. Finally, he says,]

There's only one person on the Barge who I'm afraid of. You're not him.

[beingdifferent]

[She lowers her eyes to the table and nods. It was what she had hoped for, but more than she expected.]

I'm sorry you're afraid.

I still don't know what the people here believe about me.

[deadly_ned]

Being afraid is - used to be - a part of my life. But oddly, I think this fear is a good fear. Compared to what I was afraid of before.

I'm sorry, that didn't make sense.

It's...difficult, to come back from that kind of breach of trust. When you misrepresent yourself, and people give you their trust, they're...hurt, and angry. It takes time. For the hurt to heal, or for an agreement to be made about a fresh start.

What do you want them to believe?

[beingdifferent]

You mean it's fear of a real threat, and not just a possibility.

["Misrepresent." It stuns Esther that anyone can fault her for that, and makes her tense a little. Maybe posing as something better than she is was misrepresentation, but would it have been at all better to admit she was abominable?]

I don't want them to believe I'm the way that I am.

[deadly_ned]

There are plenty of real threats on the Barge. I'm afraid of the one that gets inside your own head, instead of the ones that come from the outside.

[He hesitates before asking his next question, staring down into the waiting-to-be-filled mug]

Do you not like the way that you are?

[beingdifferent]

[She looks up at him in astonishment; the fact that she doesn't, that she can't and neither could anyone else, seems so obvious to her that it never occurred to her anyone else might see it.]

Of course not!

[deadly_ned]

[He hesitates, not too anxious to go too quickly into this conversation and risk upsetting Esther on her first day. But the Piemaker nods after a second, and is saved by the coffee maker wrapping up. He turns to grab two cups - both with golden retrievers on them - and pour for him and Esther]

That's a shame.

[beingdifferent]

[Ned pouring the coffee gives Esther a few moments to compose herself and dial back her surprise. By the time he fills the mugs she is demure again.]

Thank you. It smells wonderful.

Why do you say that?

[deadly_ned]

[He gives a small smile at the compliment, setting out cream and sugar in front of Esther as well.]

It's only..

We're talking now. And I'm presuming you're you. Not a you you invented. Just...you.

And it's a decent conversation. I like talking with the you now. It's different from how you were before, but also parts are the same.

It just seems a shame to hide all of it, completely.