007 - Raspberry Mint

[deadly_ned]

I would like...very much to not have to do that ever again. And now there are these...images in my head and I can't get rid of them and they must be from another life and is this what deja vu feels like?

Is this what deja vu feels like?

I think I just...asked that question.

[Locked to Thomas]

I'm...sorry about last week, it was extremely unprofessional to go AWOL without explanation and the only explanation I can offer now is that I wasn't myself and I will try very hard not do be affected by the Barge any...more.

This might not be entirely a success.

[Locked to Arthur Pendragon]

Mr. Pendragon...King. Sir.

I'd like to talk to you about a sword.

Comments

[ichoosefight]

More like a friend who meant more to you than you ever even knew. But the idea is the same, I guess.

[deadly_ned]

I don't have many friends like that. Or any friends like that.

And there was a time not too long ago where I didn't have any friends, period.

[ichoosefight]

[ Steph can't help but ache for him. She's always had friends, always been a social butterfly. But there was a time when she felt that there was nothing in the world for her, a time when she felt well and truly hated by everyone she loved. It wasn't fun. ]

You have friends now. You're not alone.

[deadly_ned]

I know. I know I have friends.

Except sometimes I can't help but feel the opposite, even when I know that logically I shouldn't.

[ichoosefight]

Logic doesn't have a whole lot to do with how we feel. Even when everything in the world is trying to tell us we're loved we can still think we're worthless. But that's what friends are for. They're there to dig you out of the pits you fall into.

[deadly_ned]

I don't know if I have friends here, and I know that shouldn't matter because I'm not here for me, I'm here for someone else. I'm here for my inmate. That should be the only thing that matters.

[ichoosefight]

But it's not. You're here for the inmates, but you still matter.

[deadly_ned]

I don't think so. Not in the grand spectrum of the idea.

[ichoosefight]

You matter every bit as much as I do. As much as the inmates do. There's not really that much different between us, you know? We're all just people.

[deadly_ned]

I came here to do a job. I'm going to do that job. I can't...let my own feelings get in the way of what I need to do.

[ichoosefight]

They will, though. And there's nothing wrong with that, you just can't... ignore it and hope it will go away. Having an inmate is a relationship. Emotions happen, whether you want them to or not.

[deadly_ned]

Why not? I've been ignoring them for twenty years. Why stop now?

[ichoosefight]

Because it's not healthy and may literally drive you insane?

[deadly_ned]

I'm strangely okay with that. Given the alternative.

[ichoosefight]

[ This poor guy. He's not even an inmate. Does she have any right to tell him how to live his life? ]

Can I just hug you? Is that an option?

[deadly_ned]

[The Piemaker, in fact, was averse to hugs and hugging but at the same time knew it didn't pay to be rude to strangers. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, uncertain how to respond]

I...guess...?

I don't usually...hug.

[ichoosefight]

Well, then you can just pretend I'm hugging you. The intent is there.

[deadly_ned]

Are you doing it now?

[ichoosefight]

Yeah, yes. It's a nice hug. I'm a very good hugger.

[deadly_ned]

That's good. I'm a terrible hugger.

My. My girlfriend, Chuck; she once called a hug an emotional heimlich.

[ichoosefight]

[ She chuckles. ]

I think your girlfriend might have learned the Heimlich wrong.

[deadly_ned]

That could be.

But she does give good hugs, when she can. When we can.

[ichoosefight]

When can't you?

[deadly_ned]

When my allergies aren't acting up.

[ichoosefight]

Bad skin rash? [ She can be sympathetic to that sort of thing. Nobody wants to be hugged when they're all rashy. ]