024 - Himalayan Blackberry
Nov. 1st, 2013 09:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deadly_nedI didn't make it home in time for Halloween. A...twenty-year-old tradition. Broken just like that.
I don't know if that's a sign to move on or a sign I've been here too long or not a sign at all, just an odd and unfortunate coincidence.
[Private to Alpha]
Checking in.
[Private to Dean]
I'm going to go...pick up Digby and then. Come to your room.
I'm death-tolling. For the first time. I'm death-tolling.
[Spam to Hannibal]
[Though lethargic and in a significant amount of pain, the Piemaker still struggles to Hannibal Lecter's door with alarming resolve, intent on reclaiming his dog. He holds the doorframe with one hand, pale and panting, before giving a quiet knock on the door]
I don't know if that's a sign to move on or a sign I've been here too long or not a sign at all, just an odd and unfortunate coincidence.
[Private to Alpha]
Checking in.
[Private to Dean]
I'm going to go...pick up Digby and then. Come to your room.
I'm death-tolling. For the first time. I'm death-tolling.
[Spam to Hannibal]
[Though lethargic and in a significant amount of pain, the Piemaker still struggles to Hannibal Lecter's door with alarming resolve, intent on reclaiming his dog. He holds the doorframe with one hand, pale and panting, before giving a quiet knock on the door]
private
Date: 2013-11-01 03:43 pm (UTC)It was me who hurt Alpha. I think you know that. But if you need to know . . . anything about what I did to his emotions. How long it might last. I'll tell you what you need to know.
[Another pause, and then, bluntly:] I can't fix his physical injuries, but I can stay away from him, and I can keep Stark away from both of you. [Probably.]
private
Date: 2013-11-01 03:45 pm (UTC)[Wait. What. This is not a possibility the Piemaker had been entertaining in his mind]
He's not going to stay away from us? On his own?
private
Date: 2013-11-01 03:58 pm (UTC)He might not, on his own. He doesn't apologize to people like me. But he'd apologize to people like you, I think. [For reasons that are completely not hers to share.]
private
Date: 2013-11-01 04:01 pm (UTC)It's going to be. Ugly. He doesn't like to be tampered with.
I don't want an apology. I don't...want to be reminded. At all.
private
Date: 2013-11-01 04:11 pm (UTC)[She nods.] I'll tell him. He's . . . he doesn't want to be that. [True, and not true.] It doesn't change anything for you, but it does for him.
private
Date: 2013-11-01 04:16 pm (UTC)But I'm. Sort of coming down a very long line of terrible things right now that happened all this month and eventually I will be able to talk to Stark objectively without bringing hurt feelings into it but right now is not that time.
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Date: 2013-11-01 04:29 pm (UTC)private
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Date: 2013-11-01 04:46 pm (UTC)private
Date: 2013-11-01 04:48 pm (UTC)private
Date: 2013-11-01 04:59 pm (UTC)But I've felt futility and hopelessness. It's the worst feeling there is. Worse than the worst pain.
I don't have a solution that I know will work for you. I'm not good at - saying the right thing to people, not here or there or anywhere. That's not my skill. But. I just wanted to say that. Futility is a lie. As much a lie as anything I said to you there.
Re: private
Date: 2013-11-01 05:01 pm (UTC)private
Date: 2013-11-01 05:13 pm (UTC)private
Date: 2013-11-01 05:14 pm (UTC)My pain is less important than his because I have the power to change mine.
private
Date: 2013-11-01 05:28 pm (UTC). . . But he used bigger words.
Not wrong, though.
private
Date: 2013-11-01 05:29 pm (UTC)private
Date: 2013-11-01 05:34 pm (UTC)private
Date: 2013-11-01 05:35 pm (UTC)And I can't...let personal trauma get in the way of doing what's right.
private
Date: 2013-11-01 05:53 pm (UTC)But you're not alone here. You don't need to bear the burden alone, unless you want to.
private
Date: 2013-11-01 06:20 pm (UTC)I'm not even that anymore.
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