deadly_ned | 034 - Huckleberry

You're viewing

deadly_ned's journal
Create a Dreamwidth Account Learn More

Reload page in style: site light

So...Alpha's gone. Left and graduated and I. I'm proud of him.

But I didn't actually know if I should continue to help run the pub because really I was only doing it because he took an interest and honestly I don't mind either way but it seems sort of lonely and sad now without him and maybe I should just go back to my kitchen but I don't...know. So if anyone else wanted it...?

Sorry. This isn't something I should be bothering the Barge about.

I guess I just need to. Wait and see.

I never realized this before but unpairing can be lonely.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

myironeyes

I can't decide whether that's terrifying or not.

But I'm glad it helped.

From:

deadly_ned

It did. It helped me to be a better warden.

I don't know what to do next.

From:

myironeyes

Go see your girl, Ned.

[Not aggressively, like Dean and Iris. Just - he missed her so much, when they talked about Ned not being able to go home unless Alpha was taken care of. Do the thing.]

From:

deadly_ned

I will.

I just.

Need to get up the courage to go first.

From:

myironeyes

What part is frightening?

From:

deadly_ned

The change itself. Changing from one status to the next all willy-nilly. I'm not a carefree person, I can't go flitting about from one universe to the next without careful planning and consideration.

From:

myironeyes

[Marsh considers this entirely sensible. But.]

You've been waiting for this for months. Not exactly flitting.

From:

deadly_ned

Once I settle, I don't tend to stray. And I hate saying goodbye.

When I left to come here, I didn't think I'd make any friends. I thought I would just...come here, do my job, and go home. I didn't think I'd....feel things for people.

Which in retrospect was a little short-sighted.

From:

myironeyes

I thought the same thing.

[And was catastrophically wrong pretty much from the first day.]

But you don't want to be here forever.

From:

deadly_ned

Don't I?

If Chuck was here, I could stay here forever. I like...helping people like this. It's really...really addicting. Before I was only able to help through death but here I'm helping through life and I've never felt like this before.

From:

myironeyes

You don't think you can help her through life?

Because love does that.

From:

deadly_ned

I do think I can help her through life. But I'm not missing her life by being here. When I go back, she won't know time's passed.

From:

myironeyes

But you will. And doesn't it work the other way, too?

From:

deadly_ned

Do you think time moves faster for her sometimes than it does for me?

From:

myironeyes

I don't think it is. But it could if you needed it to. When I sent Zane off, I was gone for a week and came back the same night. He was there for months and came back in two weeks.

You could have Iris double-check you if you don't trust the Admiral to manage it.

[Which, hey, he wouldn't.]

From:

deadly_ned

I don't trust the Admiral to manage it.

But I don't think I have a choice. I think I have to go back.

From:

myironeyes

I think you deserve part of a life that doesn't depend on someone you don't trust.

[He considers, very briefly, if this was part of why Sazed urged him to leave the world for awhile, then promptly puts it out of his mind.]

From:

deadly_ned

I do trust my inmate. Or. I tend to.

But maybe I do just...need to return.

From:

myironeyes

I meant the admiral.

The inmates are mostly alright.

But they'll be here when you get back, no doubt.

From:

deadly_ned

Oh.

No, I don't trust the Admiral. It was..something of a pleasant shock that he kept up his end of the bargain.

I hope so. I have trouble saying goodbye.