013 - Mile-High Apple

[deadly_ned]

I'm, um.

I'm leaving.

Thomas - my inmate - he's...graduated, he's left the Barge, so I think that's...probably my cue to leave too.

I'm...terrible at goodbyes, and let's be completely honest, I'm quiet enough that most of the Barge doesn't know I'm actually here, so I doubt I need to stay very long.

That sounds terrible.

I'm sorry. Something's come up. I have to go.

[The Piemaker - nervous, clearly hiding something, and agitated - leans over to shut off his communicator. Unbeknownst to him, he'll be back in a matter of days for reasons not clearly stated in this post]

[Private to the Marquis de Carabas]

And now it doesn't matter what you know.

Good luck graduating, you....bad, bad person.

Comments

[composited]

So what was your big payout, after how many months of work? Inquiring minds and all.

[deadly_ned]

Do you ask all wardens that question? It's a very personal issue. For...most of us.

[composited]

You're buying it with our souls. So, yeah, actually, I'm asking.

[deadly_ned]

Thomas' soul. Thomas, who was kind and generous enough to reject me when I offered my deal to him for whatever he needed. Your soul is not involved.

[composited]

Oh, how sweet of him to love his Handler so.

[deadly_ned]

I didn't handle. He handled. I gently steered if I saw him moving towards a cliff, but the destination and the car both belonged to him.

[composited]

Exactly. You were a Handler.

Look, never mind, you don't get the reference.

[deadly_ned]

I'm sorry. I know my position is one of...suspicion and power. It's not a familiar role. Wasn't.

[composited]

Obviously. Get off the boat before you hurt yourself, baker man.

[deadly_ned]

I will. In a few minutes. Once I've said goodbye to a few other people.

Also, I'm more of a piemaker. A baker would imply I work with breads, cakes, cookies...And I don't.

But I don't suppose it matters much now that I'm leaving.

[composited]

No, it doesn't.

Don't let the turnstile hit you in the ass on the way out to freedom and your pay out, pieman.

[deadly_ned]

I don't understand. Did you want Thomas to be stuck here forever? This way, everyone wins.

[composited]

I couldn't care less if Thomas is sprung. I care about what you get out of him being sprung.

[deadly_ned]

Why do you care about someone else's deal whom you've never met and will never meet again?

It's like asking a stranger how much money they make or what their sexual orientation is.

[composited]

Because you're part of a pattern. A sampling of a larger group.

[deadly_ned]

I'm a fluke. An exception. Don't base any warden-related samplings on what I do, I'm outside the immediate margin of error.

[composited]

You are a warden who has attained to a deal. That does make you a statistical outlier, and that interests me.

[deadly_ned]

My deal was a kiss.

Happy now?

[composited]

That must be a hell of a woman, waiting for you at home.

[deadly_ned]

Her name is Chuck. And she's...everything, to me. Anything I can do for her, I would. Will.

Have, technically.

[composited]

Well, then, tiger. Go get her. If it was so important.

[ He's absolutely mocking you, Ned. ]

[deadly_ned]

Thank you. I will go get her.

And my name is Ned.

[composited]

Ned.

Ned the pie man.

[ snort ]

[deadly_ned]

I don't really understand what's funny but there's the deep and unsettling suspicious feeling that I'm being mocked.

[composited]

You don't say. Shit, we got a genius on our hands. Good thing you're going home to change your world and bag your girl.