026 - Cranapple

[deadly_ned]

[Flushed bright from his Thanksgiving dinner at the Winchester home and the port that came before it, it's a half-smiling Piemaker that turns on his communicator one frosty December morning]

I know what I have to do.

To feel better. I know what I have to do to feel better and come back and be a good, responsible warden Alpha can rely on.

I need to go see Chuck. Recharge the batteries, get a fresh outlook and wash down the tables and restart the day again.

I think I'm going home for the day.

Comments

[deadly_ned]

'Chuck, my terrifying but very close mercenary friend who also bakes pies wishes to say hey to you.'

[with_my_teacup]

I'm not actually a merc, Ned. In fact them and me don't get along, since they're usually tryin to take me back to prison for large amounts of UD.

The rest sounds accurate, though.

[deadly_ned]

Ah. Sorry. My mistake.

What's a UD?

[with_my_teacup]

Universal Denomination. You know. Money?

[deadly_ned]

I know of money.

If it's not a personal question - and just out of curiosity - how much are you worth?

[with_my_teacup]

One point five mil.

Three mil dead, which is a new wrinkle. I used to be worth more alive.

/threadjack sry

[routemistress]

You need to fake your own death and claim that sometime, sweetheart.

Re: /threadjack sry

[with_my_teacup]

The whole requirement where they need my head in a one foot box makes that hard.

Money's not a problem for me anymore. I don't like to settle where there's much currency.

/threadjack sry

[routemistress]

What sort of checking are they capable of? I could do you a cloned 'ead that'd pass most genetic scans.

I weren't thinking of the money so much; it can get inconvenient to be very much run after to the tune of three million. Can't it?

Re: /threadjack sry

[with_my_teacup]

It occasionally has... Strategic advantages. I'm going to patch some shit up and then ditch the whole universe. Seems easier.

/threadjack sry

[routemistress]

True enough. Can be very useful to 'ave a guaranteed way to get attention. Still - give us a shout if you could use me, eh?

[She likes getting to clone weird shit okay.]

[deadly_ned]

Well. If the Barge ever needs money, I know where to ask.

[with_my_teacup]

You stand a better chance of killing me than most mercs, too.

Should I be afraid?

[deadly_ned]

I'm nearly definitely certain you could take me down if you needed to. Even with my magic finger.

[with_my_teacup]

But you're sneaky and I would underestimate you. [He's trying to calibrate his teasing to 'Ned realizes it's a joke' levels.]

[deadly_ned]

I am not sneaky. I'm very upfront!

[with_my_teacup]

You've got a poker face like stone.

[deadly_ned]

I've just gotten very good at lying.

[with_my_teacup]

See? You're a threat. Stealthy.

[deadly_ned]

I don't feel very threatening. You're sure?

[with_my_teacup]

I'm a great judge of threats. Trust me.

[deadly_ned]

A million dollars would keep the Pie Hole open for some time..

[with_my_teacup]

And double that if you ghost me. That's a lotta pie tins.

[deadly_ned]

How many years of dogfood is that? Roughly? I have a furry business partner.

[with_my_teacup]

Ooh, that's gotta be at least six, seven years of premium stuff. And a gourmet cook on retainer to make it for him.