009 - Key Lime

[deadly_ned]

I am only just now realizing that a dark and terrible storm is lurking over the horizon and that I may or may not have the resources necessary to prepare myself to face it.


And since I have one, and only one skill to offer in exchange..


Pies for any sort of sword-fighting or survivalist training for me and my inmate.


Please.


We're not fighters. At least, I'm not a fighter...much. I don't like to put words in the mouths of other people. I like to put pie there instead.

Or...room-cleaning, or I know Morse Code but I'm not sure how handy that will come in, but it's sort of a nifty little party trick when you're bored and have nothing better to do, but that might take a substantially larger amount of time than a simple comfort food hand-off.

[Locked to Thomas]

Digby has been re-homed. My room is officially dog-free. So you can...come, and go as you please.

If it pleases.

Also I may or may not have volunteered us both to go to a card game. Do you play cards? I can do a, um. A crash course.

Comments

[ichoosefight]

Technically, batons have handles. But yeah, basically.

[deadly_ned]

And they're easy to learn? Stick fighting?

[ichoosefight]

Not really, but there are a few moves that are easy, and they're useful. Plus it's a great nonlethal weapon.

[deadly_ned]

I wouldn't say that.

[ichoosefight]

I would. Actually I just did.

[deadly_ned]

People die all the times from things you'd never expect them to die from. 'Nonlethal' is a bandage word.

[ichoosefight]

Well, how about this: Not designed to be lethal.

[deadly_ned]

Better. That's. Better.


Much more accurate.

[ichoosefight]

So yeah. I kinda specialize in 'slightly less lethal than guns' weaponry.

[deadly_ned]

I didn't realize weaponry came in such specialized categories.

[ichoosefight]

Oh yeah, for sure. There's 'definitely pretty lethal' weaponry, 'no seriously this will destroy a whole planet' weaponry, 'slightly less lethal than guns' weaponry, 'you would find it a challenge to actually hurt someone with this' weaponry, and then there's pillows.

Pillows are my favorite.

[deadly_ned]

You can suffocate someone pretty easily with a pillow.

They're sort of the...quintessential item used in most homicidal suffocations.

[ichoosefight]

You can suffocate someone with just about anything if you're really serious about it.

[deadly_ned]

That's....actually, that's a fair point.

[ichoosefight]

Ergo, pillows are the funnest weapons, suffocation or not.

[deadly_ned]

I once worked a case where a woman had died via a scratch and sniff book that had been made into a bomb.

[ichoosefight]

Now that's creativity.

[deadly_ned]

An explosion of it.

[ichoosefight]

Badump-tsh. Sounds like something the Joker would do.

[deadly_ned]

To be fair, the perpetrator wasn't trying to kill anyone. He was only trying to cause a scene to promote his new book.

And ended up killing his assistant.

And trying to kill us. Me.

[ichoosefight]

[ She raises an eyebrow. ]

How do you not think that's going to kill someone?

[deadly_ned]

He was planning to make the discovery of the bomb he planted before it went off.

Didn't quite go as planned when his assistant snuck a sneak peek.

[ichoosefight]

Yeouch. [ She winces sympathetically. That's a sour turn, even for a shitty thing to do in the first place. ]

I'm glad you didn't die.

[deadly_ned]

I'm glad I didn't die too. I actively...try not to die several times a day.



It's. Exhausting.

[ichoosefight]

Yeah, I know the feeling.