009 - Key Lime

[deadly_ned]

I am only just now realizing that a dark and terrible storm is lurking over the horizon and that I may or may not have the resources necessary to prepare myself to face it.


And since I have one, and only one skill to offer in exchange..


Pies for any sort of sword-fighting or survivalist training for me and my inmate.


Please.


We're not fighters. At least, I'm not a fighter...much. I don't like to put words in the mouths of other people. I like to put pie there instead.

Or...room-cleaning, or I know Morse Code but I'm not sure how handy that will come in, but it's sort of a nifty little party trick when you're bored and have nothing better to do, but that might take a substantially larger amount of time than a simple comfort food hand-off.

[Locked to Thomas]

Digby has been re-homed. My room is officially dog-free. So you can...come, and go as you please.

If it pleases.

Also I may or may not have volunteered us both to go to a card game. Do you play cards? I can do a, um. A crash course.

Comments

[winterinlordaeron]

I don't eat, but I can help train you with swords, if you need.

[deadly_ned]

If you don't eat pies, I will reluctantly submit to making cake.

Or the horrifying combination of the cake-in-a-pie that two people have now made mention to me.

private

[mattersverymuch]

I don't want pie. [This is so hilarious to him.]

I may be able to be useful to you, nevertheless. For a favor.

[winterinlordaeron]

Oh...no, that won't be necessary. I don't eat.

But thank you, all the same.

private

[deadly_ned]

[This is the most hurt, most offended look on the planet and it is being directed at you, sir]


Everyone likes pie. Why don't you want pie? What's wrong with it?

Is it me? You don't like pie because I'm the one making it?

[deadly_ned]

...You don't eat.


You don't eat?


Why don't you eat?

private

[mattersverymuch]

[Wow, Ned. Wow.]

I'm sure it's delicious. What's wrong with it is that it's a paltry exchange for help of this magnitude, don't you think?

private

[deadly_ned]

[It's like you just admitted you like drowning kittens for fun.

No, worse. Because the Piemaker can at least bring those kittens back to life]


No.


No, I don't think that.

private

[mattersverymuch]

Well, it is.

private 1/2

[deadly_ned]

I respectfully disagree.

private

[deadly_ned]

...No.



No, I disrespectfully disagree.

private

[mattersverymuch]

Oh my goodness.

[winterinlordaeron]

....I don't need to.

[deadliestviper]

I approve of your plan to learn, but you're not going to both become proficient with a sword by the end of the month. You'll pick up some useful moves, but if you really want to defend yourselves I'd recommend getting a gun and practicing your marksmanship.

private

[deadly_ned]

Yes!


Yes, and...and another thing! I think you're


pretentious.

[deadly_ned]

Don't you want to?

Why don't you need to?

Don't you need to or don't you want to, because those are two very different feelings.

private

[mattersverymuch]

It's a distinct possibility.

What about pie and a favor?

[deadly_ned]

I...don't really like to...use guns.

I'll ask my inmate. Maybe he likes guns better than I do.

And I'm not going into this completely a beginner. I have had some...sword training.

private

[deadly_ned]

What's the favor? I'm having trouble thinking of what I can do that you can't and the list is very...sparse.

private

[mattersverymuch]

You don't know what I can do.

The answer's information, of course.

private

[deadly_ned]

What sort of information?

[winterinlordaeron]

I no longer need to. I could barely taste it, even if I did.

I'm...no longer alive.

private

[mattersverymuch]

Whatever I happen to need, whenever I happen to need it. One favor. I'm not about to fleece you. [Hahaha why would he do that.]

[deadliestviper]

Really? [Not to the dislike of guns, to the use of swords. He is not the type she'd peg as a fellow swordsman.]

What have you done before?

[deadly_ned]

That's not how that works. You're either alive or you're dead and you're here talking to me so you're alive.

That is how it works. And when you're alive after being dead the food tastes so much better and you are not dead.


You can't be dead. No one would curse someone to a life where they can walk and talk but yet have no taste.