009 - Key Lime

[deadly_ned]

I am only just now realizing that a dark and terrible storm is lurking over the horizon and that I may or may not have the resources necessary to prepare myself to face it.


And since I have one, and only one skill to offer in exchange..


Pies for any sort of sword-fighting or survivalist training for me and my inmate.


Please.


We're not fighters. At least, I'm not a fighter...much. I don't like to put words in the mouths of other people. I like to put pie there instead.

Or...room-cleaning, or I know Morse Code but I'm not sure how handy that will come in, but it's sort of a nifty little party trick when you're bored and have nothing better to do, but that might take a substantially larger amount of time than a simple comfort food hand-off.

[Locked to Thomas]

Digby has been re-homed. My room is officially dog-free. So you can...come, and go as you please.

If it pleases.

Also I may or may not have volunteered us both to go to a card game. Do you play cards? I can do a, um. A crash course.

Comments

private

[mattersverymuch]

I don't want pie. [This is so hilarious to him.]

I may be able to be useful to you, nevertheless. For a favor.

private

[deadly_ned]

[This is the most hurt, most offended look on the planet and it is being directed at you, sir]


Everyone likes pie. Why don't you want pie? What's wrong with it?

Is it me? You don't like pie because I'm the one making it?

private

[mattersverymuch]

[Wow, Ned. Wow.]

I'm sure it's delicious. What's wrong with it is that it's a paltry exchange for help of this magnitude, don't you think?

private

[deadly_ned]

[It's like you just admitted you like drowning kittens for fun.

No, worse. Because the Piemaker can at least bring those kittens back to life]


No.


No, I don't think that.

private

[mattersverymuch]

Well, it is.

private 1/2

[deadly_ned]

I respectfully disagree.

private

[deadly_ned]

...No.



No, I disrespectfully disagree.

private

[mattersverymuch]

Oh my goodness.

private

[deadly_ned]

Yes!


Yes, and...and another thing! I think you're


pretentious.

private

[mattersverymuch]

It's a distinct possibility.

What about pie and a favor?

private

[deadly_ned]

What's the favor? I'm having trouble thinking of what I can do that you can't and the list is very...sparse.

private

[mattersverymuch]

You don't know what I can do.

The answer's information, of course.

private

[deadly_ned]

What sort of information?

private

[mattersverymuch]

Whatever I happen to need, whenever I happen to need it. One favor. I'm not about to fleece you. [Hahaha why would he do that.]

private

[deadly_ned]

You can't fleece someone who doesn't have anything to fleece.

So I give you this completely vague and not-at-all clear favor.

What do you do to keep my inmate safe?

private

[mattersverymuch]

[That is what you think, Ned.]

I show him how to survive. How to lay low when necessary and when to run. How to build a fire and set a trap.

I show him how not to die.

private

[deadly_ned]

Then...


I agree.

You've got your favor.

private

[mattersverymuch]

Good.

Will I be showing you the same?

private

[deadly_ned]

If you have time. But..Thomas is the priority. I'm okay with not surviving if he survives.

private

[mattersverymuch]

You're ridiculous.

private

[deadly_ned]

I'm not ridiculous. I'm pragmatic.

private

[mattersverymuch]

So am I. If you die, I don't get my favor.

Name a place and time convenient to both of you.

private

[deadly_ned]

Three days, in the mess hall? If we're practicing setting fire to things I'd rather it be in a place both me and Thomas are comfortable in, where there's a ready source of extinguishers.

private

[mattersverymuch]

When we get to port, there won't be a comfortable place full of extinguishers.

[This is not a no, it's just a warning. Then a beat.]

Fine.

private

[deadly_ned]

Thank you.

[And because he has NO idea how to address his now-instructor..]

Thank you, Mr. Marquis.