deadly_ned | 013 - Mile-High Apple

I'm, um.

I'm leaving.

Thomas - my inmate - he's...graduated, he's left the Barge, so I think that's...probably my cue to leave too.

I'm...terrible at goodbyes, and let's be completely honest, I'm quiet enough that most of the Barge doesn't know I'm actually here, so I doubt I need to stay very long.

That sounds terrible.

I'm sorry. Something's come up. I have to go.

[The Piemaker - nervous, clearly hiding something, and agitated - leans over to shut off his communicator. Unbeknownst to him, he'll be back in a matter of days for reasons not clearly stated in this post]

[Private to the Marquis de Carabas]

And now it doesn't matter what you know.

Good luck graduating, you....bad, bad person.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

deadly_ned

I'm splitting hairs and it doesn't really matter anyway. We won't be seeing each other again.

From:

mattersverymuch

Of course not.

You still owe me.

From:

deadly_ned

I'm leaving in half an hour. Think of something. This favor now officially has an expiration date.

From:

mattersverymuch

I don't think so.

From:

deadly_ned

I'm leaving

this universe.

How does that not warrant an expiration date?!

Edited Date: 2013-06-28 04:37 am (UTC)

From:

mattersverymuch

Because you don't currently have anything I want.

. . . Well, there is one thing, now that I think about it.

From:

deadly_ned

I can't even imagine what it could possibly be.

From:

mattersverymuch

Tell me the rules.

From:

deadly_ned

It works on anything dead. People, plants, animals. I can't cook with meat, I can't wear fur, and autumn is a very, very dangerous time of the year for me.

Touch a dead thing back to life, and there's a minute grace period. Sixty seconds. After those sixty seconds are up, you have a choice to make. You can either touch the thing you touched again and it goes back to being dead, forever. Or you can leave that thing alive longer than a minute, and something else, randomly chosen in the near proximity of approximately the same life value will die.

And just because you've let something else live past the sixty second mark doesn't mean they're safe. Anything I make alive again, if I touch at any point I'll kill them forever.

Also those that remain living tend to...not die of natural causes. They can still die by accidents or homicide, but...

I touched my dog Digby when I was ten years old. Nineteen years later and he's still alive and well with no signs of aging. It's..

I worry it's immortality. For a given value of immortality - there's a reason I don't let Digby out in traffic.

And that's it. Those are the rules, as I'm led to understand them through a near-lifetime of experimentation, trial and error.

Edited Date: 2013-06-28 04:57 am (UTC)

From:

mattersverymuch

I see.

[Immortality.]

Your debt's cleared, then. Don't you feel better?

From:

deadly_ned

Immensely. I can go back with a clean conscience.

From:

mattersverymuch

Best of luck to you, then.

From:

deadly_ned

And you. I'm sorry for calling you a bad person. I was angry.

From:

mattersverymuch

[. . .]

[And he's just gonna start laughing here, Ned, sorry.]

From:

deadly_ned

You're a professional moment-ruiner.

From:

mattersverymuch

Of course. My secondary title.

From:

deadly_ned

I'll be sure to send over your engraved placards.

From:

mattersverymuch

The depths of your kindness are unplumbable.

From:

deadly_ned

And a pie. But I think you'd be sick of pie by now.

From:

mattersverymuch

Food is always valuable.

From:

deadly_ned

I don't want you to find value in it. I want you to eat it so that your smile looks more heartfelt and less predatory. If you're hungry for pie it means you won't be as hungry for me.