026 - Cranapple

[deadly_ned]

[Flushed bright from his Thanksgiving dinner at the Winchester home and the port that came before it, it's a half-smiling Piemaker that turns on his communicator one frosty December morning]

I know what I have to do.

To feel better. I know what I have to do to feel better and come back and be a good, responsible warden Alpha can rely on.

I need to go see Chuck. Recharge the batteries, get a fresh outlook and wash down the tables and restart the day again.

I think I'm going home for the day.

Comments

[deadly_ned]

I feel like I should be more disturbed than I currently am that you know about that honey.

[routemistress]

It's unforgettable. Oooh, that reminds me, I've got some bee genetics research notes I promised Chuck - I'll drop 'em over, shall I?

[deadly_ned]

Just promise me you two haven't created some sort of horrifying super bee that's going to wreak havoc over the countryside.

[routemistress]

Some plonker on Earth did that already, didn't they? I'm trying to fix it.

[deadly_ned]

Last I heard, bees were dying out. It's. Conflicting information.

Chuck would probably love a super bee.

[routemistress]

They are. And then some bright spark mixed in them African bees and the technical term for everything that 'appened after that is clusterfuck. Bees are more complicated than people think, you know. Anyway, Auntie Iris is on the case now.

[deadly_ned]

Chuck's going to miss you more than she misses me. She's going to ask where you are when I walk in.

[routemistress]

Tell 'er I'm temporarily inconvenienced in the transport department. I'll be along as soon as I can.

And you know that's not true.

[deadly_ned]

I think you remind her of her aunts. Even more so now that the transportation's been lost.

[routemistress]

[She can't entirely suppress that wince.]

Let's stick with temporarily inconvenienced, can we, Ned?

[deadly_ned]

Right. Sorry. Temporarily inconvenienced.


How are the dogs?

[routemistress]

[She tilts the video screen to show Elvis lying on her feet and Solace on his back behind her chair. Today they're wearing lilac velvet collars with moonstones.]

'Appy as a pair of pigs in shit and only slightly less messy.

I'd've lost me mind without them.

[deadly_ned]

Dogs are good like that. Keeping you grounded. If it weren't for Digby I think I'd be much worse.

Have they met Riddick's dog yet?

[routemistress]

Only briefly. They're still a bit scared of 'im - apparently temporal anomalies don't smell like magic, so 'e's not all over 'em like 'e is with your Digby.

No actual disasters, though.

[deadly_ned]

That's good. I'm glad to hear of no disasters.

Digby's always gotten along pretty well with other dogs but he tends to let them walk all over him. I don't know if it's aged patience or if I'm setting a poor example.

[routemistress]

Digby's just a complete sweetheart, is what.

[deadly_ned]

He tries.

I wonder if I should let my deal be to touch Digby. But we don't need to touch to enjoy each other's company.

[routemistress]

I'd go with it if I were you. Just 'cause 'e's not unhappy doesn't mean it wouldn't be good.

I'd love to see you cuddle 'im properly. I think it'd please Alpha and all.

[deadly_ned]

I didn't ask for it before because I didn't think I needed it to be happy. But I do need Digby to be happy and I've come close twice to letting him be killed by my hands.

I'd take the deal to protect his life. The cuddling comes secondary.

[routemistress]

That's an even better reason. The Admiral will bring pets back, I checked - but it's not fair to put 'em through it, is it?

And cuddles are a pretty bloody good side benefit.

[deadly_ned]

No. It's not fair to let Digby suffer because of people abusing my gift. He's an innocent party. So's Alpha.

I'd say so. Yes.

[routemistress]

This is why I'm not ...all right, I am looking into protection type training, it's fun for 'em. But mostly I'm making sure I can stop 'em jumping in if things go tits up. These two've been collateral damage once already and that's once too much.

[deadly_ned]

They'd want to defend you if things go...mmn. They're good dogs like that.

[routemistress]

They would. I do 'ave certain advantages in the training department, mind - no room for translation errors like you get with humans. But Elvis especially needs reminding a lot that I get to decide when 'e bites anyone.

[deadly_ned]

Have you decided who he gets to bite?