006 - Sour Apple

[deadly_ned]

What do you do when you're living in a wide-awake nightmare and every single breath you take you wish with all the desperation you have that you could undo something you once did but didn't mean to because you didn't understand the consequences?

I know things are better now that I'm on the Barge but I don't know how long it's going to be until I can wake up without feeling panicked that it's all been nothing but a dream or that the Admiral will look at me and think I don't deserve to be here any longer.

And I don't know how precarious my position really is. We're all just...teetering, waiting for gravity to catch up with us until we take the final plunge and I know this is morbid but that's who I am. Morbid...Ned, who's surrounded by death and can't get away from it.

Maybe I just need sleeping pills.

[Ned is Affected by the flood and is more of a basket case than usual. He's been an unwilling guest of the American government since he was nine and revealed his secret gift and for the last twenty years has been a neurotic shut-in with limited access to non-military personnel. And he doesn't bake pies.]

Comments

[bitteraftertaste]

Have you been talking to someone about all this?

[deadly_ned]

"All this" is a long and boring story and I don't know who'd care to hear it or how it would help or why they would want to know.

And the reason I'm only saying it here and now is that sometimes the build-up I'm biting my tongue against builds up so much that it spills out in a flood.

Like word vomit.

...What I'm saying is that I'm just. Vomiting words right now and it'll stop soon.

[bitteraftertaste]

I'm sure we have someone on board with some sort of background in psychology. I don't see what the harm in talking to them about it would be.

[godsays]

Don't forget to breathe.

[deadly_ned]

Sorry. Too much too fast?

[godsays]

I mean that it helps.

Most people breathe from the top of the lungs. Shallow. The human body is made to breathe better from the bottom of the lungs. It gives you more air, a clearer and calmer mind.

[ A pause. ]

Breathing right helps me. Is what I'm saying.

[timesbureaucrat]

In situations like that, I contemplate highly dangerous and possibly paradox-inducing time travel to undo my mistakes.

But repairing mistakes in real time is safer.

[deadly_ned]

Time travel isn't an option. You shouldn't mess around with time.

[timesbureaucrat]

I do know a thing or two about time travel. I'm not called a Time Lord merely because I like the sound of those syllables.

[darknessb4me]

You survive.

[deadly_ned]

Survive until what?

[darknessb4me]

There is no "until what." You survive out of spite for the world that is trying to break you.

[video]

[wormintheglass]

Oh, you poor dear man. If I were not so hobbled, so restricted by the unfair lowest common denominator that we are brought down to on this ship, I could do so much more for you.

But I can still try, Ned dear. It's not in my nature to ignore a fellow being's suffering. We should talk, dear. Let Bianca soothe away your troubles.

[video]

[deadly_ned]

That's very kind of you, but I don't know if you can soothe away twenty years of troubles that are so terrible I'm actually talking about them out loud.


...Which I never do.

[video]

[wormintheglass]

You would be amazed what I could do, dear Ned. But even here, even as diminished as I am, I can't help but reach out to a fellow wounded soul.

Come to me. Let me do what little I can.

[ video / private ]

[godsays]

Take care.

[ There's a warning in his tone. ]

Re: [ video / private ]

[wormintheglass]

Zane, my sweet. Always so solicitous of me. I would think you would welcome my attempt to show a little kindness. Isn't that supposed to be what we're trying to schieve together, my dear?

[surfaceshine]

You have to believe you're here for a reason. You're in the only place you can go to actually be able to undo that something.

[deadly_ned]

It's why I'm here. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for that, but what good can I do when I wake up panicked that I'm back and nothing's changed?

[surfaceshine]

You need something visual to focus on - a picture or a figurine or something. Something you can only have here, that will tell you immediately that you're here and not there.

[theonlyresponse]

[Hello Ned meet a doctor. Albeit not the one you're looking for. He seems to remember a key detail about this person, though he's not sure why.]

Or perhaps some pie.

[deadly_ned]

Why pie?

[theonlyresponse]

The real question is... why not pie?

spam

[meanstwin]

[On the other hand, Thomas still does, and they must have still known each other. Have some peace offering food by your door and a note saying he gets you on that.]

spam

[deadly_ned]

[The Piemaker picks up the note, reading it over in surprise and gratitude and a little nervousness. But he recognizes the handwriting and oh it's his inmate and things seem to at least be all right there.

So maybe the world isn't so terrible right now]