004 - Mincemeat

[deadly_ned]

Hello, Barge. My name is Ned, and I have a completely arbitrary and unrelated question to ask.

If you had a minute - 60 seconds - with any person currently dead and could talk and interact with them as normal, alive people would...

What would you say or ask them?

I suppose this question goes to the people who are currently...dead....and have alive people back home they're separated from as well.

It's an odd question, I know. But I've been...curious, lately.



Also, would the elf who took my wallet please give it back now? I hope you remember me; I was the piemaker dressed as a Franciscan monk. I hate to treat the network as my own personal Lost Connections newsletter but I really didn't know what other way to get in touch with you.

And if you're not actually an elf, I'm sorry for calling you one.

Comments

[private]

[megamind]

'What's my name?' would be at the top of the list. It's an orphan thing, all that.

[private]

[deadly_ned]

You don't know your name?


That isn't to say I thought any mother would name their baby Megamind. I just thought it was a codename or an alias or a play-on-words.

Still, that's...sad. Very Oliver Twist-ish.

[private]

[fridgetothefire]

I'd ask her what kind of life she wants.

[Maybe that sounds backward, or futile, or cruel, but Anya has plans, and her first deal has Wanda's name on it.]

So. Totally arbitrary?

[private]

[deadly_ned]

But you can't give her back her life. You've only got just the minute. You can't change the rules, that's not part of the game.


Yes. There's no rule against arbitrary questions.

[private]

[megamind]

I have-- had-- a legal name given to me eventually, but I got that legally changed at eighteen. It was one of the few times I happily submitted to the rule of law, and still managed to thumb my nose at it in one go.

So, Megamind is it.

Re: [private]

[deadly_ned]

Is that one word, like 'Madonna', or is 'Mega' the first name and 'Mind' the last name?

Because if 'Mind' is the last name you could do all sorts of interesting things with your kids.

Like Re Mind, or Under Mind.

I'm probably not helping.

[private]

[fridgetothefire]

I can't yet. But she had enough people controlling her the first time around, acquiring that information would be a worthwhile use of my minute.

And I never said arbitrary questions weren't allowed. They just seem a little unlikely.

[private]

[megamind]

Nah, I went the one-word-name route.

[private]

[deadly_ned]

So you would use your 60 seconds to give another person the freedom of choice.

Why unlikely? I've seen people ask arbitrary questions here. I thought it was just a thing people did.

[private]

[deadly_ned]

Well, Oliver, I'm...sorry your parents died before you could learn your real name.

Although I guess Megamind is your real name now, your root name is probably still important.

Unless it's something embarrassing or impossible to pronounce.

[private]

[megamind]

Nah, we vocalize on a pretty standard register like humans do. I can remember-- pieces of language, things they said. I don't exactly speak it fluently, though.

[private]

[fridgetothefire]

Yes.

[If she could get Wanda to talk to her at all, anyway.]

Hypothetical isn't the same as arbitrary. But I tend to think very little is truly arbitrary, so maybe it's just a matter of conflicting definitions.

[She shrugs.]

[with_my_teacup]

'You might consider getting off the planet before it gets razed.'

[Hi, Ned, your filter is full of nonhuman orphans today.]

[private]

[deadly_ned]

I think I'm still amazed that you're even carbon-based. I'm not a betting man and I don't know odds from evens but the odds of you being able to vocalize human speech and look so similar to us is astronomical.

Probably.

Although what I know from Star Trek slightly contradicts this theory.

Thank god you're not a Tribble.

[private]

[deadly_ned]

If I can step back one minute to judge, I would say that's a perfectly valid use of 60 seconds.

So that would make you a...determinist?

[routemistress]

I've got nothing, Ned love; I need to know anything I just go back and ask 'em meself.

Got your wallet back yet?

[deadly_ned]

What is it with my filter filling up with nonhuman orphans today?

[deadly_ned]

Somewhere in the arbitrary rules of the universe, some might classify that as cheating. Or at least upending the board and making up your own rules as you go.

I remain as of yet walletless.

[with_my_teacup]

We travel in packs.

[The straightest face.]

[private]

[megamind]

Actually, that factors into why I'm not a Star Trek fan. Or a Star Wars fan.

[ OH WELL. ]

Also there are plenty of physical differences. I have a central heart and a back up heart for my brainstem, because it needs the extra push, I'm meant for a lower gravity than you so I'm shorter than I would probably have been on my planet, and my bones are much more flexible!

[routemistress]

Too right it is, lovey; ask me if I give a stuff for arbitrary rules of the universe.

...nah, I've checked, none of the ones I've got's yours. Good luck, pet.

[deadly_ned]

I guess wherever you can find a sense of home and belonging is better than nothing.

Although if the person you were speaking to is already dead, that sentence of yours is sort of...moot.

[deadly_ned]

Do you give a stuff for arbitrary rules of the universe.


Exactly how many wallets do you have?

[private]

[deadly_ned]

You hate Tribbles?

So...let me see if I'm understanding this right. Your bones don't break as easily?

[with_my_teacup]

True.

I actually know what my name was gonna be, though, when we switched places with ourselves for a flood. Alternate selves, obviously. Can't steal Megamind's.

Yeah, I guess I'm tapped out.

[AKA the real answers are extremely sad and the fuck he's admitting to them in front of strangers.

Jack I'm sorry I just wanted you to have a better life than I did.]