deadly_ned | 001

[Young Ned was eight years, one hundred and twelve days, ten hours, and twenty-three minutes old when he took a ride on his first boat. It was, he recalled, little bigger than a ferry, and had been a part of a seaside vacation with his mother. The waves had rocked the little boat, the ride was lonely and boring, and his beloved dog, Digby, wasn't there to play with him. Young Ned hadn't liked it. He liked it even less thirty-three minutes later when he promptly vomited over the starboard bow.

It is now fifty-eight minutes and twenty seconds since the Piemaker arrived on the Barge via the mysterious and altogether rather upsetting administrations of the ship's administrator, the Admiral. He was having...difficulty adjusting to the change. And while this boat was significantly larger and more stable than the tiny boat that had rocked so violently all those years ago, he discovered to his unhappiness that the waves, too, had increased in size and threat.]

I think I'm going to vomit.

Which is not to say I'm seasick. I'm not. The boat is stable. Surprisingly. I'm sick because I'm slow to adjusting to change and this is a...big, big change and a new beginning and I do not...I'm not a fan of new beginnings.

Ah.

Hello. My name is Ned. It's um. I would say it's nice to be here but I've just had two different people...sing at me very loudly and that's. Upsetting. And not at all nice.

I will try to make things nicer while I'm here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

megamind

Do you have a problem with rock music?

From:

deadly_ned

I absolutely do not have a problem with rock music.

I'm just trying to understand the overall theme here.

From:

megamind

Rock n' roll! The music of rebels! Come on! AC/DC is practically a gang of supervillains in their own right.

From:

deadly_ned

I was never very much of a rebel. Rock music sort of...skipped me by.

I'm aware that this makes me a less interesting person by comparison.

From:

megamind

You do seem rather, uh... milquetoast.

Just sayin'.

From:

deadly_ned

I'm not. Really. Or at least I'm trying not to be. Sort of. Maybe I am.

....Look, this is a ship full of people who do terrible things to each other for fun and games. Isn't it better to be seen as someone who no one in their right mind would want to bother than to purposely go out of my way to be an establishing break-out character and thus win the hearts and targets of a few less than savory characters?

From:

megamind

Or it could be hanging around a target around your neck that says "easy mark."

From:

deadly_ned

Am I an easy mark?

From:

megamind

I'm betting yes.

From:

deadly_ned

What? Why?!

From:

megamind

Do you have any superhuman abilities that will allow you to defend yourself, suss out deception from practiced cons, or otherwise compesate for otherwise being a soppy milquetoast idealist on what is colloquially known as the hellboat?

From:

deadly_ned

[The Piemaker did, in fact, have one or more of these things. But he answered,]

No.

From:

megamind

My point is made. [ Megamind pinched the bridge of his nose. ] I suggest you invest in relationships with people who do.

From:

deadly_ned

You make it sound as if friendship is as easy to invest as a trip to the bank or a call to an accountant.

...IS there a friendship bank?

From:

megamind

This is a prison. Friendship is relative and often at cost. This is definitely not a friendship bank.

From:

deadly_ned

It's not a big stretch to imagine a friendship bank. Back where I live there's a company that will sell you friendships at a premium. The concept is nice, even if the implementation was not as well thought-out and, well. Murderous.

How much do you think you should pay for friendship? And can I take out a loan?

From:

megamind

I don't really do 'friendship' [ not in any conventional manner anyway ] so you're asking the wrong guy there.

From:

deadly_ned

Neither do I.

Who would you ask?

From:

megamind

Stephanie Brown is social, well connected, and your typical smart, pretty blonde your woman. She probably is good at friends.

From:

deadly_ned

And you would just...go up to her, introduce yourself and ask to be friends?

That seems forward, and a little rude, and not to mention I don't have much to bring to the friendship table.

Do you have many friends? Only of the few I have I sort of lucked into it in a way I don't think would be easy to replicate here.

From:

megamind

She manages to deal with me and I am a giant-headed blue alien. Also that might actually work on her. She's a very nice young woman, and if she weren't a warden with possible ulterior motives in my redemption, I'd suspect she had some other sort of ulterior motive.

You could try, you know, conversing first. Ask her about her college plans. [ Because Megamind loves to harp on that with her. ]