001 - Rhubarb

[deadly_ned]

[Young Ned was eight years, one hundred and twelve days, ten hours, and twenty-three minutes old when he took a ride on his first boat. It was, he recalled, little bigger than a ferry, and had been a part of a seaside vacation with his mother. The waves had rocked the little boat, the ride was lonely and boring, and his beloved dog, Digby, wasn't there to play with him. Young Ned hadn't liked it. He liked it even less thirty-three minutes later when he promptly vomited over the starboard bow.

It is now fifty-eight minutes and twenty seconds since the Piemaker arrived on the Barge via the mysterious and altogether rather upsetting administrations of the ship's administrator, the Admiral. He was having...difficulty adjusting to the change. And while this boat was significantly larger and more stable than the tiny boat that had rocked so violently all those years ago, he discovered to his unhappiness that the waves, too, had increased in size and threat.]


I think I'm going to vomit.


Which is not to say I'm seasick. I'm not. The boat is stable. Surprisingly. I'm sick because I'm slow to adjusting to change and this is a...big, big change and a new beginning and I do not...I'm not a fan of new beginnings.

Ah.

Hello. My name is Ned. It's um. I would say it's nice to be here but I've just had two different people...sing at me very loudly and that's. Upsetting. And not at all nice.

I will try to make things nicer while I'm here.

Comments

[takeyouapart]

Hello, Ned.

I don't know how much you've been told, but what's happened is the result of a Barge event called a flood. There's no real water involved - they affect certain people at random and change them somehow.

This week it's...making people burst into song. They only last a few days.

[deadly_ned]

That...seems like an odd thing for a flood to do. Especially a flood without water. A flood without water that makes people....sing.


I'm not so sure I was prepared for this.

[takeyouapart]

I don't think anyone really is, when they first arrive here. It's something you have to get used to.

[deadly_ned]

Ah.


Well that just...speaks to bureaucratic mismanagement, doesn't it? I mean. I don't want to insult whoever's running the show or in this case steering the boat but it seems a little counterproductive to invite people up onto your showboat and not tell them that midway around the third act there's a breakout musical number and you're supposed to play along.

Not a happy surprise.

[yeahscience]

Uh, what are you talking about? This flood is awesome. This is one of the best ones ever.

[deadly_ned]

I have little to no basis for comparison. This is my first flood, which simultaneously makes it both the best and the worst.

Hello.

[yeahscience]

Yeah, well, enjoy this while it lasts, yo. Not to scare you off, but the next one probably ain't gonna be so nice.

Anyways, 'sup. I'm Jesse.

[megamind]

Oh, don't puke on deck. We might have night two of our laser-lights and open-mic for the flood, and I don't want to have to mop that up.

[deadly_ned]

I'm not going to puke on deck.

Nor will I be in the vicinity of any laser lights or open mics.


...Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice but I feel compelled to ask and please stop me if this is extremely rude.

Are you blue?

And I don't mean blue as in sad, though obviously I can see why anyone would be but I meant more in the literal sense of the word.

..I'm sorry. I shouldn't be staring. This is...very rude of me.

[megamind]

Blue, big headed, not human, transplanted to Michigan at a young age.

Anything else, while we're asking rude and invasive questions?

[strangehistorian]

I would recommend staying inside. Singing seems to be the theme of the current flood!

[deadly_ned]

Staying inside with...earplugs? Maybe?

[strangehistorian]

If that would help you feel better! It will pass in just a few days.

[routemistress]

Welcome to the hellboat, we've got fun and games... Oops, sorry love.

[She doesn't look sorry in the slightest.]

You'll get used to it, lovey. This is a good Flood.

[deadly_ned]

Good to know there's something less good to look forward to than random...singing.

Sorry, but what does the random singing have to do with redemption?

[routemistress]

Sometimes when we try and talk
The words just come out wrong
So we have to say I love you in a song.

[Iris offers him an I actually can't help this right now halfshrug of insincere, grinning regret to go with the brief melody.]

oh gosh it's ned

[surrenders]

...someone coming into this clear-eyed. [The tone implies, but not too heavily, that his reaction's more realistic than most future Barge residents.]

:D Hi Lua!

[deadly_ned]

Cautiously optimistic and yet wholly terrified. Does that translate well into clear-eyed? I'm not sure.

Hello.

[surrenders]

"Terrified" is a good idea sometimes. [If he can see her, she looks away like her tongue's slipped in a really unfortunate way.] I don't mean to make it sound so bad.

Ned, right? It's Lua.

[je_suis_avec_toi]

Welcome to the Barge, uh, Ned. Is there a family name to go with that? I'm Lia de Beaumont.

I am sorry for all the singing. We haven't all lost our minds to this particular flood. At least no one seems to be getting hurt from it.

[deadly_ned]

There isn't. I mean. There is a family name but just not a family to go with it so the name is somewhat obsolete and out of use and Ned is pretty decent for immediate identification unless of course there's another Ned here in which case we may have to get more specific.

It's. Hello. It's nice to meet you, Lia de Beaumont. And don't apologize for the singing. You can't help it. Apparently no one can, which is...why it's so disturbing.

[je_suis_avec_toi]

Oh, I just prefer the formality, but if--you can call me Lia.

I am more than relieved that I'm not singing. I haven't any idea what I would sing, if I did. It will be over soon, in any case.

[voice, avec sound filter]

[dalekemperor]

[Damn, that sound filter is some high-tech shit. The voice in question sounds very British and a bit clipped.]

I'm afraid you'll find there is nothing about this place that would be considered 'nice.'

[voice, avec sound filter]

[deadly_ned]

My worst fears have been realized. But there's nothing opposing me carving out a nice niche for myself in which to bring some nicety with me and spread it around the barge, is there?

Barring obvious murder and dismemberment threats.

Re: [voice, avec sound filter]

[dalekemperor]

I suppose if you wanted to do that for yourself, no-one would stop you--unless, of course, you happen to be an inmate.